I’ve sort of had an out-of-body couple of weeks.
Not in an existential way. Or maybe in an existential way. Existential is such a complicated word.
But just in the sense that a lot has happened and I feel more like I’ve watched it all happen instead of experiencing it.
I’ve laid in bed and thought instead of slept. Prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed even though I’ve had no clue what to pray. Sat in silence while my insides protested. Thought of the perfect response but kept it to myself.
I’ve poured over scripture and lost myself in worship music. I’ve had this mixed CD on repeat: Ellie Holcomb’s “Broken Beautiful”, “Oceans”, Shane & Shane’s “Happy Day”, “Not for a Moment” by Meredith Andrews, and “Cornerstone” by Hillsong.
I have probably heard “Cornerstone” a hundred times. I’ve belted it, listened to it, hit “repeat” on it, hummed it, sang it with Baby Girl. So when the first line hit me afresh the other day, I was taken aback – because I’ve heard it over and over but I’d clearly been missing it.
“My hope is built, on nothing less, than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.”
I confess that in my out-of-body couple of weeks, my hope has been built on countless things that are less than Christ.
I’ve been hoping when I wake up, I’ll get a pumpkin spice latte and that will make my day worth living.
I’ve been hoping I can survive the day as long as no one says anything to push me over the edge.
I’m hoping to get a manicure is in my near future. (Because if I can’t feel better, at least a manicure might make me look better.)
And maybe I trust the Lord to get me out of the mess, but it’s hard to Hope that He alone can get me through the day. And please don’t hear me wrong, things to look forward too, are essential. ESSENTIAL.
But there is a distinct difference in my life between what I’m looking forward too, and what my hope is resting in.
What, besides the Lord, am I banking on to get me through the day?
Have I placed my hope on something less than Christ?
“And so Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is You.” Psalm 39:7
So I’m trying to break the existential pattern. Think more in terms of the concrete. Building blocks. The things I’m stacking my hope in and on.
If I’m building hope into my days, what am I counting on to be the Cornerstone? Anything less than Christ is a shaky foundation.