I was the ugly version of myself today.
Not the physically ugly version of myself…I was actually having a good hair day. But the part that matters was ugly – my spirit.
I was rude and short, and spoke with a biting tone and sass. I lent no patience.
I withheld compassion.
Additionally, I had to give up tea this week – which is having far reaching effects.
Like I said, I was the ugliest version of myself.
I spoke with a friend about it and said it this way, “I am out of grace. My grace well has run dry. Someone is rude, it’s like I can’t help but be rude back – I have no stock pile of grace or compassion to draw from.”
“If only there were briars and thorns confronting me! I would march against them in battle; I would set them all on fire. Or else let them come to me for refuge; let them make peace with me, yes, let them make peace with me.” Isaiah 27:4&5
Am I the only one who’s ever had that day? Or that week?
Your well of grace has run dry.
Things that you could normally handle, send you over the edge.
Your grace well has run dry.
The friend I was talking who said something wise. This isn’t exactly what she said, but this was how my heart heard it.
“I think your ‘grace well running dry’ is the Lord’s way of keeping us moving. When you’re the ugliest version of yourself and your graceless, then where you’re at isn’t working for you. He doesn’t want us to keep dwelling in a well that’s run dry. Move on, find another place to let your roots run deep.”
What a word.
If I owned a physical well, and it went dry, I would move. Or dig deeper. Not sit around complaining about the empty well.
I’d find a grace-full place to dwell.
I’d find a grace-full place to draw from.
I’d dig my roots in a little deeper.
Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. Ephesians 3:17
I know, intuitively, that the amount of grace offered to me doesn’t change. His goodness and His grace, know no bounds.
But sometimes I move myself further from Him, or He starts trying to move me along, and my stubborn determination to stay put, leaves me with a deficit.
Disobedience tends to do that.
So I’ll move along.
Dwell more richly.
Strengthen my roots.
Trust more fully.
And draw more intently from the deep, deep well of His grace.