I was asked to share/speak/talk/ramble at a Women’s Event recently. I prayerfully agreed and then stayed awake for the better part of a night before wondering why in the world I had agreed to share/speak/talk/ramble. I was mad I’d agreed to share. I was mad they’d asked me to share (what were they thinking?!)
And I was mad that everything that came to mind to share seemed stupid.
So I did what any desperate person would do and I just prayed and prayed and prayed.
I survived the night before (which is always the hardest part of sharing/speaking/talking/rambling). The Lord laid words clearly and distinctly on my heart, and when all was said and done, I felt relief and gratitude at the way the Lord showed up and the way He spoke through me. Or in spite of me.
Until a lady came up afterwards. And said something. And what she said doesn’t matter. But the way it made my stomach curdle and tears start threatening my eyelids does. And for all I know, she meant to be sweet and kind and encouraging.
But that wasn’t the way I heard it. Or felt it.
It made me wish with all the more vengeance that I’d never agreed to share, that I’d never opened my mouth and that I’d called in dead.
Or least run away and joined the circus.
I share that for a couple of reasons – that is my real life. And real life is relatable. And not all my life is tied together neatly with scripture – some of it remains a frustrating mystery. And I think it is supposed to be that way. How great could my God possibly be if I could explain everything? Some things have to be completely left to His greatness.
Secondly, I do share/speak/talk/ramble at Student Events and Women’s Events (and on occasion, at Children’s Events). I say that because it has come to my attention recently that I really have no idea who reads this blog. I assumed it was only my family and bridesmaids. (You know, the people obligated to read what I write.) But as it turns out, more people read then just the people I force to read, and on the off chance someone reading needs a speaker, or knows someone who needs a speaker at a church or ministry event – there is a chance I am your woman.
I can provide references. (None of which will be the lady who said something to me. I try to keep my references to people who didn’t make me feel pitiful. Although I can provide people who make me feel pitiful if you feel that will give you a well rounded viewpoint).
I’m rambling. I promise not to ramble…unless the Spirit moves in a rambling direction.
Anyway. That is my point. That life can be brutal and sometimes we leave well enough alone and trust the Lord with the difference.
And that I share/speak/talk/and avoid rambling.
With lots of Love,